


4 A.M.

by the-canary (siruru)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Flirting, College, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Male-Female Friendship, Mutual Pining, Reader-Insert, Roommates, Self-Esteem Issues, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-05-07 09:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19207006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruru/pseuds/the-canary
Summary: 4 A.M – it’s the worst and best possible time for the two of you, if only you could just admit it.





	1. prologue.

Steve doesn’t feel his best when he gets back home. The shift at the bar was pretty bad, some

Girls wouldn’t leave him alone. Other patrons were rowdier than usual,and was pretty shitting in general.

His bones ache and wanted to see you. 

Sometimes you waited for hit. Your insomnia kept you up at odd hours, and sometimes he found you sleeping on the couch or watching Netflix.

He doesn’t find that and he groans before heading to his room and then bathroom. Your bedroom on the way.

“Steve,” you call out  softly . He opens the door to see you leaning on the headrest and working on something on your laptop,”You all right?”

“Just  a rough shift,” he says with a sigh before leaving and the shower turns on — you frown and try to finish everything.

It’s close to 4:30 am when he gets out. The lights are off in your room so he proceeds to his, wearing sweats and a long sleeve when he notices his light is on.

You’re on the right side of the bed with your pillow and a book. He almost questions you but your let out an exaggerated sigh, “Work has been killing me, Stevie. Need some cuddles.”

Steve can’t help the time smile on his face that blooms because you know exactly what he needs.

“Alright, alright,” he lets out in a dry laugh as he goes to his side of the bed. You’ve done this a million times before that he knows to shift so that you can spoon him into your arms.

“You’re the best, Steve,” you murmur as the heaviness begins to set in for both of you.

He swears he feels a light kiss on his forehead, bur he lets it go for now to match the sound of your breathing.


	2. if walls could talk.

_“Nat, please don’t,” you remark in semi-fear and worry in your drunken state._

_“Nat can and she will,” the redhead frown as she presses the green button on the screen. A small message screen pops with the man’s name that you had been flirting with for some time now. But, flirting over a screen was a completely different story to meeting someone and having coffee or dinner  ._

_“Why?”_

_ “Because you deserve to be happy instead of pinning over Steve Rogers, Bartender Extraordinaire,” Nat remarks with a small dose of venom in her voice  ._

_ It wasn’t because she hated Steve in any sense of the word, but you were her dearest friend and she knew how much you had suffered over the years…and because…_

_“I guess I can try one date,” you remark haplessly  and unsure of what to do at the moment besides give into what she wanted. Though you  were used  to your buried emotions for the man._

_You had been in love with Steve Rogers for years at this point._

 

* * *

 Steve Rogers is a creature of habit. He gets up goes for on Saturday morning and goes through his list of chores for the day. Then, he gets ready in the late afternoon to start his bar tending shift at Maria’s -- an upscale dinner and bar experience that was run by an old friend of his.

It was the same train from Brooklyn to Manhattan. Then, he had to get dressed in a suit vest and smile until early morning. It had been his job for so long that he  was used  to it.  But, as he grew older and saw the changes from his other friends and former partners, Steve was starting to feel that he was stuck . This was one of those nights, as he wore a plastic smile and a heavy heart from what he had heard early in the day.

> _“So, when is this guy going to pick you up?” he can hear Natasha through the paper-thin walls of the apartment that you had shared since college  .  Steve doesn’t want to eavesdrop, but you hadn’t gone in a date in over a year, since the promotion you had gotten at work ate up all your free weekends  ._

> _When the hell did that change?_
> 
> _“Around 6 pm,” you answer in a tone that Steve knows too well. It’s that tone you only get when you have a Friday off and there is pizza, movies, and him waiting for you._
> 
> _Why were you so excited over this?_
> 
> _“Good,” Nat remarks with a laugh as he hears you adding._

> _“M aybe  , I can move on from all this now,” you sigh out before the two of you move forward with digging through your closest. It was hard finding something nice to wear for the date._

“Hey Rogers!” the familiar voice of the manager break his train of thought. Blue eyes turn to might all to familiar ones, “Watch where you’re shaking that thing."

Steve pauses in the familiar mixing of the drink in front of the cure gal two chairs down. He gives her an apologetic smile, as she winks at him – no harm, no foul.  However  , the same can’t  be said  for the manager who is shaking his head. Bucky is going to have his head later, but for now he needs to get through the end of the shift.

Yet, his mind doesn’t seem to leave the thought –of you laughing and sharing sweet moments with someone else that isn’t him– for the rest of the night  .  There are even more spilled and unfinished drinks because of it, as Bucky tells him not to come back tomorrow night a a result .   

 

* * *

 

It’s  nearly  four in the morning when he comes into the stuffy old apartment.  It's the one that Sam and Bucky had managed to get when it all went to hell back in college – when he thought the world had ended for the fourth or fifth time, before he realized that he could make it out it all alive .

Steve takes the steps up to the 3rd floor where the apartment  is located  . It's where he first met a gal with an easy smile and boisterous laugh when he could still  barely  wheeze one out of his own.

> _“Come on, Rogers. You, me, and our favorite movies!”_

He stops and wonders if you are going to be there or if your dates had ended in the same way that many of Bucky’s did. “Sleeping over” until you wake up with and you slink away with the morning sun. He doubts you are that type of person, but  maybe  you’ll end up staying the night somewhere. You'll have fluffy chocolate pancakes with someone that isn’t him.

> _“Okay, Stevie! The chef’s best pancakes and smiley face eggs with bacon.”_

He unlocks the door with a shaky breath, knowing that for once he is going to be the one left in the dark and waiting. He holds his breath and gets ready to turn on the light next to the entrance when he sees it.

It’s four in the morning and you sitting in that red, old dusty couch with the lamp light on. He wants to laugh and cry at the same time from all the brooding and swirling of unhappy thoughts. He sees you dressed in those all too familiar pajamas. The blue blanket draped over your body as you lay on the couch sound asleep.

He can’t help but wonder if your night went as bad. He's overjoyed though as his heart thump like crazy. He comes over to lean down to where you are sleeping.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” he murmurs  softly  . Steve leans to look at your face.  He's met with fluttering of your eyelashes as you look up at him with something that he has never seen before, “What are you doing here ?”

You let out a sleepy hum and smile, “Welcome home, Steve.”

He pauses for a second and stares at you a little harder than usual. You sink back deeper into the couch as Steve stands, unsure of what to do now–

Steve Rogers is a man of habit, but on this night a new revelation shakes him to his core – **that he’s in love with his roommate.**


	3. almost truths.

_“So, how was the last date?” Nat can’t help but ask over the latest app date that you had gone on since she had signed you up for the app. You can’t help but frown and shake your head._

_“ Maybe  this  just  isn’t your scene,” Nat remarks with a shrug before taking a sip of her coffee. She tries to ignore a certain man standing in the hallway to the back, “I could set you up with someone, if you like.”_

  _You give her for now as Steve decides to finally make his entrance._

* * *

Having your birthday in the middle of the week is strange because you are nowhere wanting to celebrate it  .  But if it falls under a certain holiday you get the day off anyway, even if you don’t want to celebrate it at that exact moment . Steve felt that same tired emotion when his birthday rolled around on Thursday. Everyone he knew had gotten the day or the whole rest of the week off. They were ready and willing to be there for him despite other plans.

But, Steve didn’t want any of that. He wanted to stay home and lay about the whole day.  He wouldn’t have work until Saturday and despite his orderly habits, thinking current state of living made him want to ignore the rest of the world .

It didn’t help that a certain someone had gone out the night before with Nat. He knew that you were both going to stay out longer than usual since the rest of the week was yours.

> _Don’t wait up for me, Stevie!_

He didn’t, but after finding nothing of interest within his own apartment or outside of it - he ended up going to bed early. Now, it was 4 in the morning and he was wondering where the hell his roommate could be. Yet, he wasn't in the mode to answer the ringing of his phone that has started last night with early birthday wishes.

Steve Rogers hadn’t realized that falling in love one of his closest friends would put him in such a limbo on his birthday, though it wasn’t like he had any better plans . At least not until Bucky or Sam called him.

Steve gets up with a heave and sigh, gets some fresh clothing and prepares to take a shower.  It's outside of his normal time and not after his early morning run, but he feels that it might do him a little good to diverge from his daily plans .

Someone else decides to change their plans for the day as well, as they stand in front of his door in last night’s clothing  .  She's smiling and holding a stack of IHOP pancakes with a candle placed on top of them in the middle of the humid doorway .

“Happy Birthday, Steve!”

You declare with a huge grin as Steve turns to look at his digital clock once more for a split second.

It’s 4:15 am when you had finally come home and made Steve fall even deeper in love with you.

* * *

“So what do you want to do today, birthday boy?” you ask in the middle of the kitchen, after his shower and you had changed into more comfortable clothing. Steve finishes the stack of now cold pancakes you had brought him. He leans a little too much on the counter top and his muscles bulge against the tight shirt more than usual.

Sometimes, it was hard to believe that he was so much shorter and skinnier.

“Why? Are you taking me somewhere?” he answers back You have to ignore the smudge of whip cream on the side of his mouth as he keeps talking. Steve Rogers was a delectable man, but he wasn’t yours. You were  slowly  ready to put a nail in that coffin – today was going to be one of those days.

“Yup,” you let out with a soft smile, “Anywhere you wanna go. I’m yours for the day, my gift to you!”

“Wow, that sure is something,” Steve can’t help but let out. Though it might sound sarcastic, he means it in the best way possible.  You guys haven’t spent much time together in awhile between work, going on failed dates, and realizing that some emotions are deeper than before .

However, that doesn’t stop you from rolling your eyes and pushing his shoulder just a bit. He doesn’t move at all though as he keeps eating his birthday pancakes. 

 

* * *

All July 4th with Steve means taking the subway into Brooklyn and walking through muggy and humid weather to get to his favorite pizza joint. That is after visiting all the damn art museums that you could find in Manhattan. It means waiting in a long line as he points out all the spots that are special to him and Bucky growing up and even hearing a story or two when he gets too lost down memory lane.

You can’t help, as the conversations stalls, but wonder if this is how it would be like to date.  Maybe  even how it was to be in a relationship with him. To have what so many wanted, but only one person had  really  gotten the chance to experience.

“–Why have you been going out so much lately?” Steve’s voice breaks your train of thought. You turn to look at him eating his slice of pizza after asking you that question.  You pause for a moment, between fear, desperation and confusion over the question before shaking your head .

Maybe, admitting  it to him (though  indirectly ) could be the first step of finally letting him go.

“I’ve been in love with someone for a very long time,” you state. Blue eyes widen, though you don’t seem to notice, “Nat decided that it was time that I should forget about them.”

“And how do you feel about that?”  

“It is what it is,” you shrug it off the best you can, though it hurts like hell, “You win some, you lose some.”

** “For the record, I can’t even begin to tell you how sweet  I think  ** **you are** ,” Steve states with a stronger tone than usual, as if he is almost angry for you, “That guy doesn’t know what he’s missin’ out on .”  

**“That sounds awfully patronizing coming from you,”** you can’t help but remark with a dry chuckle, “But, thanks.”  

The pizza and sweet drink have a bitter aftertaste and you don’t end up talking much through the whole thing. Steve think it’s more due to the lack of sleep you have had within two days than anything else.

You end up clocking out as soon as you get to the safety of your couch. Steve puts a blanket over you and takes the love-seat to binge on Netflix since neither Bucky or Sam had called.  However , he finds himself looking at someone more often than whatever movie he put on the screen.

As the fireworks outside start and you grumble at the noise, Steve promises that he’ll find someway for you to fall in love with him .


	4. kiss and cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end! Thanks for reading thus far. I write an epilogue later, but I really liked how this ended!

It starts shortly after the whole birthday outing, Steve tries to push you to go everywhere with him. It wasn’t like you were tied to the hip or some lovey dovey couple that did everything together (though you wished), but it seemed that Steve was trying his hardest to keep you at his side. 

Two months ago, you would have been over the moon, but now it was different. Now, it felt like you wanted to be the farthest away from him, at least with him away you could delude yourself. 

You didn’t have to see him flirting with a cutie across the bar, who let out a drunk giggle as she handed him a $20. You knew why Steve did this, you understood why it was so lucrative and simple for someone like him. Maybe he even liked the attention compared to the stories you had heard from when he was younger and skinnier, sicker than he was now. 

But, you were sure–

“Okay,” a voice comes from your left. You look up from your fifth drink to see familiar blue eyes, “Maybe that’s enough for tonight.” 

“Bucky,” you let out his name between a whimper and hiccup. You aren’t sure if the drinking has just made your feelings more transparent or if you were just at your last thread. 

“I know,” he states softly like a big brother would, “I know he’s an idiot, but you can’t hurt yourself like this over him.” 

You briefly wonder how much Bucky had been talking with Nat, and why it sounded like he was talking from experience. However, you kept your voice shut and fell onto his shoulder. He rubbed your shoulder with a sobering pat. 

“Come, let’s get you to the back,” he remarks as you let another hiccup before nodding. 

Bucky pulls you out of the stool, as you fall slightly over. Bucky lets out an air of laughter at the sight. You look at him before laughing as well, only to have the man drag you away. 

Neither of you notice the man watching you the entire time, a frown on his face as he ends up spilling the drink he was mixing. 

* * *

 

It’s 4:30 in the morning once the two of you manage to get into your apartment, though this time through taxi rather than subway since you were rather inebriated. Steve juggled between opening the door and keeping you upright while holding your left shoulder. 

“Come on,” Steve murmurs softly as you groan. He shakes his head, as you pulls you into the apartment, “You really should let go of this guy, ya know?” 

You don’t say anything but groan. Steve keeping dragging you, he almost wants to drag you to his room and cocoon you so that you could forget about the guy you just can’t seem to forget. At the same time, he wants to leave you alone in your misery, hopeful that maybe you’ll get through this and see him.

He certainly doesn’t expect the harsh whisper next to his ear, as you let out a tearful sob soon afterwards. 

_“I’ve been trying to get over you, asshat.”_

Steve swears his heart stops in the middle of the hallway, as you start snoring soon afterwards.

* * *

 

Steve only gets winks of sleep throughout the rest of the night. Neither of you get up before noon and when Steve finally decides to leave his, you are already sitting in the kitchenette drinking something out of your favorite mug with an empty plate in front of you.

It’s a sight that Steve has seen hundreds of times before, something that is familiar and homely. However, on this day, it looks and feels completely different reason. 

You look up at him and give him weary smile and say: “Morning. I’m really sorry for–” 

“Is it true?” 

You look at him confused:  _“Is what true?”_

“ **That you love me.**  Y-You said it last night when we got home.” 

The shocked and wide-eyed look that you give him is all the proof he needs, as Steve stands there – unsure of what comes next. 


	5. epilogue.

Steve swears that he hears the air leaving your body, as you keep staring at him with wide eyes. It’s all the confirmation that he needs as he steps closer to you. However, instead of meeting him half way as he had been dreaming you would, you get off the kitchen stool and start to move away from him.

His own eyes widen. You just shake your head as if you’re in a hazy daydream (that this just can’t be true) before walking out of the kitchen section and into the darkness of the hallway. 

Steve stands there in confusion, unsure of what he had just done to make everything go wrong.

* * *

 

You’re heaving like you had just run a marathon instead of walking a couple of steps into your room before locking the door. Your heart putters into a stop as you realize that Steve hadn’t come after you. It’s like he’s finally confirming your wildest fears. 

He finally found out you were in love with him and didn’t return them. As a worst case scenario, Steve might not even speak to you anymore. Embarrassment ran hot throughout your body as you stood in the middle of your room, waiting for something...anything to tell you what might happen next. 

Instead, you were met with silence as you dropped onto your bed and decided to go back to sleep. Maybe, then you could get out of the apartment and avoid Steve. Maybe, eventually, if you just ignored the problem it could all be swept under the rug. 

Somehow, you seriously doubted that though.

* * *

 

Steve has to give it up to you when he hasn’t seen you in a week. Even with him knowing your schedule to a T and often working less than you did, you still manage to be lock yourself in your room before he had even noticed that you had gone or come back home. The only time he could tell that you were in the apartment by the soft steps that come to and from the kitchen. 

He had tried one or twice to stop you, but it had only ended up with a busted lip and him breaking that favorite vase. However, even that didn’t corece you enough to come out of your room to yell at him. Quite frankly, Steve was sure what to do at this point -- his favorite gal had feelings for him (it was too obvious now after talking with Nat and Bucky), but she wouldn’t dare to look at him. 

> _ “She’s always been afraid of the day that you were going to find out,” Nat remarks over drinks, “Maybe you have to show her that nothing really has to change at the end of the day.” _
> 
> _ “Nat,” Steve pauses, “How long has she felt like this?”  _
> 
> _ “That’s not for me to tell you.”  _

Steve knew that he had to make you realize that you shouldn’t be scared of what would happen next. 

* * *

 

You think you’ll have it the easiest on Saturday evening to Sunday morning. Steve was a man that was diligent in his personal ethic. He kept a schedule and after years of knowing it so well, you knew when you had to been gone by in order to avoid his presence. Yes, there were close calls here and there, but overall you were willing to trade in your sleep to avoid having your heartbroken. 

It had been going well until Saturday night. You had thought going to visit Wanda and having dinner with her instead would push your night faster than being alone. However, one incident lead to another and you were left heading back to the apartment closer to 8 pm as something had happened with Viz, and Wanda needed to be there.

It was sweet to see how much they cared for one another, but in your current mood you didn’t really want deal or see that. You were prepared to spend the rest of this lonely night in your room, so different from just a few weeks ago, and you were most certainly not going to think of Steve and what he could be doing at work. 

Like flirting or even going on about like he didn’t care about your feelings, or even the opposite. You weren’t too sure how the romantic aspect of Steve’s life went outside of his longest relationships -- Peggy and Sharon.

Peggy hadn’t dated Steve, but she had always been the biggest what-if of his life, from what you understood. A friendship that had been founded through an exchange program back in high school that lead to lead to a camaraderie that has lasted up to this day. However, while Peggy never seemed to see Steve beyond a good friend, there were moments --drunk and sad nights-- where he had held that deep-seated hope, only to never act on it. 

On the other hand, Sharon had come around after Steve had gotten his growth spurt during the second semester of freshman year. They both knew where they wanted to go and had a deep-seated belief in justice and how to fight them. They complemented each other perfectly -- golden and all-American. However, things happened that cause Steve to falter where as Sharon ended up getting picked into some high level government positions. 

You weren’t a what it or a had-been though. You were just there, had been since the beginning when he needed to move apartments because he was having too many asthma attacks to him suddenly being 6’2 and getting offers from the football team and any hot-blooded gal. 

You weren’t sure which part of college or afterwards you had fallen in love with the blond, but that was the situation you were now. And maybe, like Nat had said all those months ago, it was time for you to move on. Face the music and move on the best way you could. 

Maybe, you would wait until Steve got home and finally let it all out. 

You just didn’t know, until you open the front door, that he had been waiting for the entire time. 

* * *

 

Your favorite food is plated on the usually cramped coffee tale with a stack full of DVDs on the side. You glance at the display before looking at the side and seeing Steve standing there with a soft smile. 

“What is all this?” 

“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things,” Steve remarks as he walks closer to you, “I wanted to show that nothing was going to change between us--”

_ Oh,  _ you think with a sting though knowing it was inevitable. 

“--But, that I’ve also been in love with for a good while,” Steve breathes out as your heart stops, “And I want to take it slow, if you’re willing.”

“I--”, you stutter out before saying, “Yes, I’m willing to go slow!” 

A grin blooms onto Steve’s face as you both stand on the threshold of something new. He moves about to place you on the couch, as he starts going on about how you haven’t had a movie night in quite sometime and he had gotten all your favorites. 

  
You weren’t sure where this was going to go, but you ran through the night watching and everything you could -- and as 4 A.M came around once more, you welcomed whatever was going to come about next.    



End file.
